Starii Trek: To Baldly Go

Experts believe that, for the first time in Trek history,
William Shatner’s hairpiece will look convincing.

The success earlier this year of Star Trek, a major motion picture in which actors who weren’t even born in 1966 (or ’76) portray the beloved characters from the original television series, has not gone unnoticed in Hollywood. Now comes word of a new, old Star Trek franchise, in which the original characters will be played by very, very old actors (including, when possible, the original cast). The series will be called Starii Trek, which is apparently a weak pun in Russian.

Some 79 installments are planned, and — exclusive to this blog — I’ve been able to obtain the titles of several of the upcoming adventures.

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“What Are Little Girls Made Of? No, Really, I Can’t Remember”

“Operation: Expectorate!”

“The Continence of the King”

“Diaper of the Mind”

“Balance of Toupée”

“The Alternative Fiber”


“The Naked, Rather Saggy, Liver-Spotted Time”

“The Geritol-o Seven”

“This Sciatica of Paradise”

“The City on the Edge of Fix-O-Dent”

“Catspaunch”

“And the Ungrateful Little Punks Shall Lead”

“Is There in Truth No Botox?”

“Metamucil-phosis”

“The Dysfunction with Tribbles”

“The Way to Edema”

“For the World Is Hollow and I Have … What Was I Saying?”

“That Which Survives”

“Spock’s Bran”

Kirstie Alley returns to the role of Saavik