Marathon Man

In a 26-Mile Slog, a Shortcut Can Be Tempting
Last year, 71 runners in the New York City Marathon were disqualified for various violations of race rules — at least 46 of them for reducing the marathon to something less than 26.2 miles. An untold number of runners escape detection, marathon officials said. Surely some cheats will prosper among the 42,000 entered in Sunday’s race.

From the Times

Whew! Hang on — let me just — catch my breath! Whew! I mean — shoot, man! I just ran the New York City Marathon! Woo-hoo!

Hey, can I get one of those shiny blankets? The kind that only New York City Marathon runners are entitled to receive?

What do you mean, why aren’t I sweating?


And what do you mean, “How can you run the New York City Marathon when you’re 3,000 miles away?”

I don’t like your tone. I happen to be a very fast runner, I’ll have you know. I can run faster than my own sweat.

Yeah, baby!

Over here! Can I get some water? ’Cause I just ran the New York City Marathon! Yeah! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

What do you mean, where’s my number? Listen, just get away from me, all right?

I pity you, man. I really do. You’ll never know what it’s like to test your self — to push your endurance to the limit — to race not the clock but your own soul — for an entire 26 blocks in the heart of the greatest city on earth!

I told you. Get away from me.

Hey, Mister! I need to get me one of those pasta vouchers. Over here! Got to load on some carbs now, please! ’Cause I just ran the Marathon!

And maybe a shiny blanket?

Dang, I think my knee is about to give out.