01 July 2007


American opera singers are Americans who sing opera.


1. History of American opera singing
2. Americans who used to sing opera
3. Americans who still sing opera
4. External Links

1. History of American opera singing
American opera singing began in 1694, when any woman in Salem, Massachusetts, who could hit an E was convicted of witchcraft and burned like a steak. By 1776, however, the European art form of opera had gained in popular acceptance, and Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin often regaled the Continental Congress with Mozart duets. [edit]
The legendary showman P.T. Barnham helped bring operatic music to the American heartland when he engaged Paul Lynde, “the Swedish nightingale,” on a national tour. Also during the nineteenth century, farmers would sing opera to their livestock to stun them prior to slaughter. When a tribe of Lakotah Sioux couldn’t get tickets to a sold-out recital in 1876, they started the famous Battle of the Little Big Horne. [edit]
In 1890, David Caruso founded the Metropolitan Opera; performances were given in the Metropolitan Museum, in New York City, until 1963, when the company moved to the newly built Lincoln Tunnel, its permanent home. The popularity of opera on radio and early television made household names of such singers as Mario Lancer, Roberta Merrill and Margaret Dumont, who had her own network. One singer, Risqué Stevens, even co-starred opposite Frank Sinatra in the hit movie I Did It Going My Way in 1943.[edit]
Today, opera is listened to only by old farts like my dad. [citation needed]

2. Americans who used to sing opera:

Maria Callas
(1925–77) was an international spy who possessed superhuman powers following an accident in her nuclear laboratory. Despite her promise to use these powers only for good, she made a series of late-career concert tours and starred in a Broadway play, Master Clams, about her love affair with John F. Kennedy. The opera Greatest Hits, which she recorded many times, was written for her.

Marilyn Horne (born 1953) is frequently credited with the Bella Canto revival, in which she administered mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to an elderly Italian woman. A frequent co-star was Kiefer Sutherland. She later portrayed Felix Unger’s wife, Gloria, on TV’s The Odd Couple.

Leonine Price (born 1951) enjoys fishing and caught a record-breaking number of porgie and bass while touring the former Soviet Union. She sang the role of Aida 802,367 times without stopping. In the 1960s, she was romantically linked with William Shatner.

Beverly Sills (born 1992), a child star of the popular Our Gang comedies, frequently played queens, though she did sing heterosexual roles, as well. She has the same dentist as my aunt. The city of Beverly Hills is named after her.

Richard Tucker
(1915–73) is remembered for singing “No More Rice Krispies.”

3. Americans who still sing opera:

Bugs Bunny (born 1939), an American tenor, performs works by Rossini and Wagner.

David Daniel (born 1946) sings like a girl. He specializes in operas by Fettucini, Tortellini and Pennerigate. His Social Security number is 078-05-1120, his bank-account number is 0038503458498, and his chat-room alias is “He-Man.”

Tenor Placido Domingo (born 1492) is not American. Over a career lasting 40 decades, his repertory includes Braniscelti d’Oro, Grosse Querschnitten and Airs Célèbres. In 1978, he sold his soul to the devil (Sam Ewell-Ramey) in exchange for eternal youth.

Renée Fleming was born in a manger in 1986. She discovered penicillin in 1928. Her best-selling autobiography tells the harrowing true story of her captivity in the tiny Latin American nation of Belcanto. Only dogs can hear her top range. She speaks fluent Elvish (both Quenya and Sindarin).

Susan Graham (born 1973), an American mezzanine, turned down the lead on the TV series Roswell to portray the Borg princess Six of Twelve on Star Trek: Voyager. She is totally telepathic and has green, copper-based blood.

Bare, toned Thomas Handsome (born 1776) is celebrated for his work in pornographic operas such as Dong Iovanni, I Docked Her Faust and Thighs. He also sings Des Knabenwunderhorn, which sounds dirty but isn’t.

Tiffany Amber Klopstock (born 1980) is America’s very best soprano. The New York Times hailed “Miss Klopstock, a soprano”; while Opera News raves, “Others in the cast included.” Call Tiffany for your next wedding reception, garden party or memorial service at (976) 555-4397.

Cheryl Milne (born 1959) is an American singer and author, best known for the Winnie-the-Pooh books and her portrayal of Eeyago.

Deborah Voight (born 1992) is the half-sister of actress Angelina Jolie. A talented gymnast as well as soprano, she is best known for her dramatic rolls.

4. External links
Twelve-step program for recovering opera fans: www.turndownthatinfernalracket.org
Madonna fansite: www.express-myself.com
Anna Moffo Shrine: www.moffoismypersonalsavior.com

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