29 July 2011

I Couldn’t Possibly Invite James Franco to the Marine Ball

Jib-Jib, doing something glamorous and important
(without me)

An invitation to the Marine Ball has become the absolute must this season for every celebrity, from Justin Timberlake to TV’s Betty White. Typically, a besotted fan, who is totally not a stalker, posts a short video on YouTube in which she or he invites a famous singer or actor to be her or his escort to the big dance. Isn’t that sweet? And although I’ve never attended one, I can tell that the Marine Ball is naturally the sort of event I’d enjoy attending with my future husband, James Franco. Just think how handsome he’d look in his dress uniform! And how all the other couples would envy us!

Unfortunately, there are at least a couple of drawbacks.

Jibby, in the film Annapolis, in which he played a sailor
(not a Marine).

For starters, I’m not entirely sure when the Marine Ball is, or what it entails. However, I believe it’s pretty much obligatory that at least one person attending the Marine Ball be a Marine of some sort. Neither Jib-Jib nor I meet that requirement.

Moreover, although Jibby has produced a number of short web videos in the past, notably for the comedy website Funny or Die, he’s been so incredibly busy these days — acting, directing, studying, teaching, writing, doing art stuff, and flexing his dimples and crinkling his nose whenever he smiles, in that way he has — that he simply hasn’t had a chance to write, direct, star in, choreograph, photograph, edit, program CGI, and provide craft services for a short video, in which he invites me to the Ball.

And I don’t have a video camera.

So, while I realize that this is a sterling opportunity (after all, none of the other celebrities knew their Marine dates in advance!), this is one Cinderella who is content to sit by the hearth, dreaming of Prince Charming, without a care in the world about your silly old ball!

Really, I don’t mind. Really.

Tell it to them.

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