09 October 2011

Denied Euthanasia, ‘Simpsons’ Will Cling to Life through Spring 2014

A realistic, down-to-earth show … that’s completely off-the-wall and swarming with magic robots.

HOLLYWOOD -- FOX Television executives have announced that The Simpsons, Matt Groening and James L. Brooks’ landmark animated series, has been renewed for two more barrel-scraping seasons. By spring 2014, the show will have produced a total of 559 episodes which aren’t as good as they used to be.

“We are pleased that The Simpsons will continue to suck, here on FOX,” network executive Lindsey Naegle told television reporters. “We are especially proud that our team of writers, actors, and animators, among the most creative people on the planet, will be prevented from doing anything else with two soul-crushing years of their lives.”

“I‘m thrilled,” series creator Groening agreed, “that for the foreseeable future I will be doing nothing at all but bashing my head against a wall while trying to think of anything, anything, we haven’t done a million times already.” Pausing, Groening then added, “Well, I guess I’ll always find time for rolling around in a vat of money, but apart from that, really, I have no life.”

Audiences will learn more of the back-story of Poochie, a skateboarding dog with attitude, who FOX says will get “biz-zay” in 2013.

Most of the series' cast members such as Nancy Cartwright, whose mental health hasn’t been affected in the slightest after portraying a ten-year-old boy, Bart Simpson, for a quarter-century, will return, at reduced salaries, following a lengthy series of negotiations and the discovery of compromising photographs.

“Honest, the little girl promised me she was 18,” actor Dan Castellaneta, who plays patriarch Homer Simpson, as well as a variety of other characters, told police.

Naegle said FOX has big plans for the upcoming seasons.

“Here's what’s on tap for Season 24,” Naegle said, delivering a Power Point presentation. “Magic powers! Wedding after wedding after wedding! And did someone say ‘long-lost triplets?’ So join America’s favorite TV family — and a tiny green space alien named Ozmodiar that only Homer can see — on Fox this fall.”

Unable to reach an agreement with FOX, actress Yeardley Smith will no longer voice the role of whiz-kid Lisa Simpson.

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