02 November 2011

Make Money by Running for President!

Would you like to make more money? Of course! We all do. Hello, I’m Sally Struthers.* There’s so much opportunity in the workplace today — and but did you know you don’t need good skills? That’s right! What you really need is exposure.

Maybe you’re promoting a book. Maybe the ratings for your reality TV show are starting to look a little shaky. Maybe you’d like to land a cushy job as a commentator on Fox News. Now you can!

Find out how easy it is to boost your earning power by running for president! At American Political Trade Schools, more than ten million men and women** have trained for job promotion and new careers without having any serious political convictions — or any ideas at all.

Just one of our successful graduates

Compare your present salary with the money you could be making if only you were getting free media coverage round-the-clock! It only takes a few weeks, and best of all, you won’t have to pay for your own meals.

You don’t even have to quit your regular job! Just look at successful APTS graduates like Herman Cain, who’s been quote-unquote “campaigning” while on a book tour. Or Donald Trump, who got his lucrative TV show renewed — without even completing our APTS course.*** Sarah Palin maintained a top-earning career in book publishing and on TV, while other people got paid to discuss her political plans.

***Safety hazard. Not recommended.

Choose from any of these great APTS courses:
  • Gladhanding

  • Grandstanding

  • Barnstorming

  • Obfuscating

  • Ignoring the media

  • Insulting the media

  • Insulting your opponents

  • Finding the most outrageous policy position imaginable — and sticking to it

  • Fighting back laughter when you pander to idiots

  • Gun repair

  • Clown college
Just get a pencil and paper right now, and write down this toll-free number. There’s absolutely no obligation, and no salesman will visit you (unless you count Roger Ailes).

Don’t turn away — call today! For just pennies a week, you could be on your way to a brighter tomorrow!

*NOTE: Paid celebrity endorsement.

**Not all statements have been verified. See? You’re acting like politicians already!

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