17 May 2013

Warner Bros. Announces ‘Potter’ Reboot

Hemsworth as Dumbledore.

HOLLYWOOD -- Just two years since the final installment of the hugely successful Harry Potter film series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 2, Warner Bros. Entertainment today announced a reboot of the franchise, based on the novels by J.K. Rowling. Principal photography is set to begin June 12 at Leavesden Studios in England, with a fresh new cast of actors in the iconic roles of Harry, Hermione, and Ron.

“We want to bring these stories to life for a new generation,” Warner Bros. executive Ray Swan told reporters. “With J.J. Abrams directing, I can guarantee you this won’t be your grandmother’s Harry Potter!”

Scarlett Johansson as Hermione.

Admitting that he “wasn’t a huge fan” of the original movies and books, Abrams, who has also rebooted Star Trek and will turn next to Star Wars, promises to bring more action to the Potter series, casting actors such as Liam Hemsworth (Dumbledore), Jeremy Renner (Snape), and Colin Farrell (McGonagall).

“And we won’t wait until the end of the series to blow up Hogwarts, that’s for sure,” Abrams said.

Farrell as “McNervous” McGonagall.

The new series is intended to run “parallel” to the original, Abrams explained. “I’m very happy to announce that we’ve signed Steven Seagal to play Voldemort. Refusing to admit defeat, he’s going to transport all the major characters into an alternate time frame. This will permit us to proceed with completely new, much more exciting adventures.

“Audiences today want fights and explosions, not any of that cerebral mumbo-jumbo,” Abrams continued. “Enough with the Latin spells and the stupid literary references already! Am I right? I want to get down to the essence of Harry Potter, and then ramp that up. He’s got to be harrier, potterier.”

Seagal as Voldemort.
Really, it’s not a good idea to say his name.

Bringing the press conference to a close, Swan told reporters, “I know there are some stick-in-the-mud fans of the old movies who will complain, but what do they know about running a studio? It’s not about making audiences happy, it’s about making money — I mean movies. We’re here to make movies. Definitely. Movies. And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to sedate J.K. Rowling again.”

Not to be outdone, Summit Entertainment later announced a reboot of the Twilight series, this time using actors.

As of press time, the role of Harry had not yet been cast.


Anne said...

you are hilarious...you had me going ..it was the photos that finally clued me in...LOLOL

The writing is so close to what it would be in our current main stream cultural reboot soup.... and of course truth is the funnest thing

Anonymous said...

Ha! You had me going as well. Began chuckling when I saw the photos. Farrell as “McNervous” McGonagall? Way too funny. Voldamort is probably turning in his grave…cosmos… wherever super evil geniuses go...