Write Your Own Inaugural Address!

The President-elect, with a few friends

Have you ever wanted to deliver an Inaugural Address? Sure, we all have! But — darn it — there are always two major obstacles on our path to the Capitol steps: a) we have not been elected President of the United States, and 2) we have at our disposal no highly paid political speechwriter.

I can’t help you with the first problem, but surmounting the second is a breeze with my new, patented Write Your Own Brand© Inaugural Address.

[1.], it is with [2.] and [3.] that I stand before you [4.].

Truly, this is [5.] in [6.]!

I call on [7.] to [8.].

Let us all [9.] and say [10.]! God bless America!

1.
My fellow Americans
Punahou graduates, alumni and parents
South Side Rotarians
Wazzup?

2.
humility
anxiety
a gentle rocking motion
a slight inflammation

3.
a deep sense of responsibility
a hole in my sock
rich, Corinthian leather
the cast of TV’s Ugly Betty

4.
today
on line at the grocery
upside-down
naked

5.
a great day
the first time I’ve been able to walk
a .44 Magnum, aimed straight at this puppy’s head
a little disappointing, really

6.
our nation’s history
more than six weeks
scenic Washington, D.C.
vino veritas

7.
all Americans
anyone who’s listening
people whose last name begins with “R”
Sasha and Malia

8.
rise to the challenge before us
do the Hokey-Pokey
lend me a couple of bucks until pay day
get down ’n’ funky

9.
join hands
give the little lady a round of applause
agree to disagree
sing the theme from Welcome Back, Kotter

10.
“Where’s the beef?”
“I can see Russia from my house!”
“Good night, Gracie!”
“I’m king of the world!” (No, seriously, I am.)