21 May 2009

Service Delays

Ladies and Gentlemen, the MTA is currently experiencing delays on some subway lines. We’re sorry for any convenience.

1 Northbound
Broadway-Seventh Avenue Local

Delay due to red signal.

2 Southbound
Broadway-Seventh Avenue Express

Delay due to flashing yellow signal.

3 Unbound
Broadway-Seventh Avenue Express

Delay due to flashing chartreuse and vermilion signal. The colors, man. The colors. You can touch the colors.

4 Southbound
Lexington Avenue Express

Stalled train outside Hunter College. How can we answer the question "Are we there yet" when every place is, in some sense, there?

5 Inbound
Lexington Avenue Express

We are experiencing significant delays due to switch work. Therefore, we switched to not working. We like that better.

6 Loop-de-loop
Lexington Avenue Local-Express

We are shocked, shocked to find that there are rats in the subway! All stations are closed until further notice, by order of Capt. Renault.

A Uptown
Eighth Avenue Express

Even we are unsure why this train is being held in the station, since no one can understand the dispatcher.

C Downtown
Eighth Avenue Local

We are being held in the station in order to prevent you from catching the A express train.

D Upside-Down
Train delayed due to noxious odors and loud noises that aren't the usual noxious odors and loud noises. Anybody got any ideas what's going on?

L Manhattan-bound
Canarsie Local

Train being held in Limbo until passengers choose the happiest moment of their lives. Train will be moving as soon as all passengers proceed to the Afterlife in an orderly fashion.

Photographs from the Lincoln Center Theater production of Happiness.

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