01 April 2011

Sarkozy Defeated, Exiled to Elba

PARIS -- Following months of record-low poll ratings, domestic turmoil, and a failed attempt to restore France’s preeminence on the world stage, French Emperor Nicolas Sarkozy has been defeated and sent into exile on the Isle of Elba. A new government, under the supervision of German Chancellor Angela Merkel, is now being formed.

Elected to the presidency in 2007, Sarkozy crowned himself emperor in a private ceremony later that year. But his grip on power weakened almost immediately, and recent attempts to divide and conquer the far-right Front National left him weakened and unable to fend off an assault from the left, analysts said. Persistent unemployment, rising costs of living, ethnic tensions, and accusations of mismanagement steadily eroded his support among his own people, leading directly to his downfall.

In happier times (for some): The Emperor and Empress

In perhaps his greatest miscalculation — or overreach — Sarkozy sought to dominate all of Europe, under the guise of leading international troops into military action in North Africa. According to the original strategy, experts say, Sarkozy would have waited until other countries’ forces were fully deployed in the Mediterranean; thereupon, he would move in and seize his neighbors’ territories.

Pollsters say that restoration of the French Empire was Sarkozy’s best, and perhaps only hope for reelection in 2012.

However, Chancellor Merkel suspected Sarkozy’s true motives, say sources in Berlin, and Germany supported the Middle Eastern action only halfheartedly. Later, with French troops distracted in Libya, Merkel’s army met little resistance as it crossed into France, effectively reversing Sarkozy’s strategy and removing him from power.

In world capitals, response to Sarkozy’s downfall was muted. “I’m confused,” U.S. President Barack Obama told reporters. “Does this mean we can call off the whole Libyan thing?”


While accompanied into exile by a handful of diehard followers, Sarkozy will not be joined by his former wife, Italian-born singer–actress–empress Carla Bruni. Instead, she has retreated to the Riviera and allied herself with two much younger French athletes, swimmer Camille Lacourt and soccer star Yoann Gourcuff.

“I believe that any French woman, if she had the opportunity, would do the same,” Empress Carla said in a statement delivered by a representative.



Yohalem said...

I notice you don't quite go so far as to suggest Joam Gourcuff is "too good-looking for his (maybe any) job."

La Stupenda said...

Ummm...who are the pictures of handsome athletes for???