02 January 2012

Romney Compares Obama to Character from a Kirsten Dunst Movie

Romney looks forward to challenging Obama at the polls in November. “Bring it on,” the candidate said.

DAVENPORT, IOWA -- President Obama is like a character played in movies by actress Kirsten Dunst, long-time Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney said in a stump speech today.

“Americans only think they like Obama,” Romney said. “People talk about him, they think about him all the time, probably, but without listening to what he’s really saying. They obsess over him like they did that pretty girl Kirsten Dunst played in Virgin Suicides, without ever really paying attention to the real problems underneath,” Romney said.

Also like Dunst, Obama’s name doesn’t sound American, Romney said.

The former Governor of Massachusetts added that if the parents in the film had been Mormon instead of Roman Catholic, and if they’d had five sons instead of daughters, there wouldn’t have been any problem. “But then I guess you wouldn’t have had a movie, either, so it’s kind of a wash.

“But then have you noticed how Obama is constantly cheerleading for his socialist agenda, just the way Kirsten Dunst was cheerleading in Bring It On?” Romney said. “And isn’t Obama sucking the life out of the American economy, just the way Kirsten Dunst sucked blood in Interview with the Vampire?”

Romney conceded that Obama still manages to be adorable,
even when pursuing deadly policies.

When voters size up the prospective candidates for the White House in 2012, Romney said, they should remember another Dunst film, Little Women (1994).

“You sure don’t want to vote for a Beth, do you?” Romney said. “She’s only going to die in office. And Jo is too erratic, sort of a Gingrich type. You never know what she’s going to do next.”

Winona Ryder (Jo), Claire Danes (Beth), Trini Alvarado (Meg),
Dunst (Amy), and Susan Sarandon (Marmee)

“I’m much more of a Meg than an Amy,” Romney said. “And I’m not ashamed to admit that. Meg [played by Trini Alvarado] was the responsible one. Sure, Amy [played by Dunst] may be more entertaining, and she ends up with Christian Bale, but in the final analysis, what America needs is a Meg. Am I right?”

Ronney also compared Obama to the character played by Dunst in the film Marie Antoinette.

“The President wears clothes well, I have to hand him that,” Romney said. “He’s got a nice build. I bet he’d look good in pastels, satin, maybe a little lace. And he’s a good dancer, too.”

In conclusion, Romney said, “Really, in many ways, President Obama is a lot like Kirsten Dunst, when you think about it.”

“Also, Obamacare is like Harry Osborn [James Franco],” Romney suggested. “He may look attractive, but he’s the next Green Goblin.”

Following Romney’s speech, Iowa Republican Earl Earlson, 47, a welder and father of three, told reporters covering the campaign that he remained unimpressed and would probably vote for Ron Paul instead.

“Governor Romney and I just don’t share the same values at heart,” Earlson said. “I guess I’m more of a Reese Witherspoon kind of guy.”

Romney’s critics dismissed the speech as a brazen attempt to court the Kirsten Right, voters who have long suspected the candidate’s commitment to their cause, and whose presence has been noted increasingly at campaign events for Romney’s rivals. “Legalize Mary Jane” banners seen at Ron Paul’s events, for example, are a clear reference to the character played by Dunst in the Spider-Man movies.

Romney declined to take questions from reporters, but through his office released a statement: “This will be a campaign about issues, not personalities,” Romney said, “just like that fine film by Alexander Payne about the high-school election, from 1999, starring Matthew Broderick.”

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