13 July 2012

Anthony Roth Costanzo Releases ‘To Do’ List

Arc-en-ciel: The James Franco of Countertenors.
Photo by Dario Acosta.

Moving swiftly to squelch rumors that — having already won the Operalia competition, sung at the Metropolitan Opera, co-starred with Leelee Sobieski and Jane Birkin in a Merchant–Ivory film, toured Europe in his own dance–theater work, graduated magna cum laude from Princeton University, and discovered the Higgs boson, all by the age of 30 — he has nothing left to achieve, the American countertenor Anthony Roth Costanzo addressed reporters today in a hastily assembled press conference.

“I have, here in my hand, proof that there are in fact several things I have yet to accomplish,” Costanzo said, distributing photocopies of a handwritten list entitled “Dumb Things I Gotta Do Today.”

“For example, I have not yet completed the invention of time travel,” the Phi Beta Kappa member told reporters. “However, if all goes according to plan, I expect to finish that yesterday, shortly after I end world hunger.”

He has also played Winthrop Paroo in The Music Man.

“Also, I’m really behind on booking the reunion tour of So High, my all-countertenor boy band, which as you may know is the top-selling Classical group in Japan; and I’ve only just started to translate Spinoza into Sanskrit and back again,” the five-time Olympic decathlon medal-holder stated. “After breakfast, I’ll get right to work. I promise.”

In addition, Costanzo’s “To Do” list cited a trip to Oslo, where he will accept the Nobel Prize for medicine. “Curing cancer was always a dream of mine. It’s truly gratifying to have met that goal — mostly in my spare time and on weekends — and to have been recognized by the Nobel Committee,” said the Greek native, who sprang full-grown from the brow of Zeus in 1982.

“Also, I do not yet have a Wikipedia page,” he admitted, adding, “Seriously, what’s up with that?”


Will said...

Having heard young Mr. Costanzo at the MET (Enchanted Island) the NY Philharmonic (Grand Macabre) and elsewhere, he has nothing left to prove to ME. But even if he didn't have that any of that impressive curriculum vitae he could charm the pants of me (literally!) with those big eyes and lovely lips.

William V. Madison said...

Ha! Well, he's a charmer, that's for sure! And a phenomenal talent.

William V. Madison said...

By the way, I have it on good authority that he cooks, too.

Will said...

If I hadn't already married Fritz....

Mimi said...

He is too funny!!! Funny, intelligent, charming, crazy talented, good looking. *Sigh* What more could a girl want!?!?? Anthony, If you're straight and looking, I'm the same age as you. ;) I'll be hearing that luscious voice next month at the Detroit Opera in Giulio Cesare. Cannot wait!! <3