20 October 2012

If Strauss’ Elektra Had a Sassy Gay Friend

Oy, has this girl got problems: Christine Goerke
as Elektra at Lyric Opera of Chicago.
Those who are unfamiliar with this exciting artist should know that she’s really very attractive when she’s not working.

If Brian Gallivan of the Second City troupe is still playing his Sassy Gay Friend character, then I’d advise him to hurry over to North Wacker Drive as quickly as possible, because there’s a girl at the Civic Opera House right now who really needs his help.

I’m talking about Richard Strauss’ Elektra, of course, currently incarnated by the brilliant Christine Goerke in Lyric Opera of Chicago’s production of the 1908 masterwork. Sure, Goerke is surrounded by a galaxy of great singers, a dream cast including Jill Grove, Emily Magee, Alan Held, and Roger Honeywell — but Elektra is allein! Weh, ganz allein.

She’s an urgent case, even worse off than Sally from Stephen Sondheim’s Follies. Time is of the essence. In the event that Mr. Gallivan is unable to find a cab, I’d like to suggest how the scene might play out.

Jeanne-Michèle Charbonnet as Elektra in Berlin.

SASSY GAY FRIEND: Girl! You are a mess!

ELEKTRA: I don’t care!

SASSY GAY FRIEND: What happened?

ELEKTRA: Well, you remember how my dad walked out on my mom a few years ago and then killed my sister?

SASSY GAY FRIEND: How could I forget? It’s all you and your mother ever talk about! I could practically set it to the Brady Bunch theme song.

ELEKTRA: Well, he came back — with some tootsie he picked up in Troy.

SASSY GAY FRIEND: Is that so ter—

ELEKTRA: So mom and her boyfriend killed him.

SASSY GAY FRIEND: Enough with the drama, already!

ELEKTRA: Now I think of nothing but revenge.

SASSY GAY FRIEND: And that’s your excuse for looking like a dumpster drag queen? Get over yourself!

ELEKTRA: I wish I knew how.

SASSY GAY FRIEND: I have one word for you: shoes. Sister, we are going shopping.


SASSY GAY FRIEND: The first step to vengeance is always a new pair of shoes.

ELEKTRA: Are you sure?

SASSY GAY FRIEND: Girlfriend, by the time I’m through with you, you’ll be Elektra-fying! You’re gonna look so good, no one will pay any attention to your mother — and with her fashion sense, that won’t be too tough. Then you can do whatever you want!

ELEKTRA: I guess you do have a point.

SASSY GAY FRIEND: First, though, we’re going to have a spa day! [Looking her over slowly.] Or maybe a spa week. This could take a while.

ELEKTRA: A mani-pedi does sound nice!

SASSY GAY FRIEND: Then put down that axe and let’s go! [They start to leave.]

ELEKTRA: By the way, I saw this really cute guy on the beach this morning. I’m hoping we’ll run into him again —

SASSY GAY FRIEND: You mean the mysterious stranger from Athens who looks exactly like you? Hello, Gaydar! Didn’t you notice his inseparable companion Pylades, son of Strophius?

ELEKTRA: He’s not in this opera. But speaking of Pilates, do you think we could take a zumba class this afternoon? I really feel like dancing!

Brian Gallivan as the Sassy Gay Friend.


Mikebench said...

"She's a stupid bitch!"

Anonymous said...

This is fabulous!!!!ROFLMAO!!

Mark K.