23 July 2013

Weiner Won’t Pull Out

Weiner and Abedin at today’s press conference.

NEW YORK -- Glancing occasionally at his cell phone, Democrat Anthony Weiner told reporters today that he continued to engage in sexually oriented online-chat conversations and to exchange text messages and photos with women other than his wife even after a “sexting” scandal drove him from Congress, and mere months before announcing his candidacy for mayor of New York City.

“I’m surprised more things haven’t come out sooner,” Weiner said. However, he insisted, “This behavior is behind me, honest, totally in the past,” and said that his wife, Huma Abedin, has forgiven him. “I know that the people of New York are also willing to give me a second second chance.”

As for the mayor’s race, “I’m not pulling out,” Weiner said. “I’m going long and I’m going hard. With the right polling, I can push right through to the end. And furthermore, as sure as my name is Silvestre Verboten — one sec, guys. Excuse me — damn, is this one hot. Huma, honey, why don’t you take the microphone for a minute?”

“Our marriage, like many others, has had its ups and downs,” Abedin, an aide to Hillary Clinton, told reporters over the clicking of her husband’s phone camera as he stood with his back to her. “It took a lot of work and a whole lot of therapy to get to the place where I could forgive Anthony. It was not an easy choice in any way, but I made the decision that it was worthy staying in this marriage.”

Pausing briefly to tell her husband how to spell “circumcised,” Abedin continued: “Really what I want to say is: I love him, I have forgiven him, I believe in him, and as we have said from the beginning, we are moving forward.”

Returning to the podium, Weiner told reporters, “I’m responsible for that behavior that’s led us to be in this place, but in many ways things aren’t that much different than they were yesterday. I’m sorry, Huma, have you got a Kleenex?

“Some of these things happened before [the sexting scandal in 2011], some of them happened after. It’s in our rearview mirror, but it’s not far,” Weiner continued. “As of this moment, though, it is really over. Really. I mean, a guy would have to be an idiot to do a thing like this twice, right?”

NOTE: It’s not the sex, it’s the judgment. For a few of my (infinitely more serious) observations on another (also more serious) political sex scandal, click here. And happy birthday, Monica Lewinsky.

POSTSCRIPT: I note with interest that Andy Borowitz took the same approach to this story — but I got there first.


Michael Leddy said...

Funny, funny. And better than the New York Post, which sort of has to stick to the facts.

Eric James said...


Anne said...

One cannot compare this idiot and Bill Clinton...which the shout out to Monica at the end suggests

It took 700 FBI agents , 100 million 1990's dollars, Bush I loyalists still at the White House and completely unfettered Ken Starr years to find Monica

Numb nut Weiner sent the photos via social media

Indeed you are far, far better than those at the NY Post.

But the media does not WANT quality. That's what is hard to grasp...quality is expressly not wanted . It's harder to control

William V. Madison said...

Anne, I devoted 13 months of my life, day and night, to covering the "Lewinsky scandal," and while the shout-out to poor Monica was intended primarily to convey that sex scandals are still with us, and that politicians don't seem to learn much from history, I do beg to differ with you.

Of course one can compare Weiner with Clinton. For starters, they're both sexual compulsives who lie when caught. (Don't forget Clinton's unspeakable treatment of Gennifer Flowers, who from all the evidence was telling the truth about their relationship.)

The men differ in intelligence and ability, I'll grant you.

Anne said...

For starters, they're both sexual compulsives who lie when caught.

Bill, that describes 80% of humanity and near 100% of the political class.

Molly Ivans had an interesting observation about the use of 5 reporters at her own Dallas newspaper for the constant " scandals " drummed up for both Clintons during those years( Let's not forget the hell Hillary was put though )

Molly pointed out that in normal times 5 reporters assigned to the 2nd coming of Christ would be considered over the top and alot of explaining would have been called for in an editors meeting as to why 5 were needed

Imo there was an agenda to get Clinton out of office by any means necessary and so 5 reporters were assigned and there was no problem with that.

One can see how the press has deteriorated since that time when they became and out and out tool of the top .01 %