12 December 2007

Eine Liebesgeschichte

Taking U.S.-German Tie Personally: Unusual Warmth Between Bush and Merkel Seen Driving Recent Thaw
By Craig Whitlock
Washington Post Foreign Service
Wednesday, December 12, 2007; Page A24
BERLIN -- Diplomats here are still buzzing over a relationship that almost nobody would have dared predict a few years ago. President Bush's current best friend in Europe, if not the world, may be a German: Chancellor Angela Merkel. Bush and Merkel talk so much that German officials say they can scarcely keep track of their phone calls, video conferences and face-to-face meetings.
Oh, sure, that’s what people say. They call it “diplomacy.” They call it “alliance.” They call it “politics.” But nobody knows what we really feel for one another. It’s like the hunger you feel after mountain-biking for three hours, that hunger that can’t be satisfied with just a bag of chips. You need the whole meal. It’s that need to see each other again, to touch each other, to be together.

I was the first to feel it. Angela resisted at first. But she came to see that I was sincere — and what’s more, she knows now that I really measure up as a lover.


You see, you have to know how to handle a woman. And I’m the Handler in Chief. You start with a look, a wink, a little smile. Let her know you’re interested. Then you got to invade. Stand just a little too close. Get right into her personal space. She’ll start to get the message.

Then you gotta really handle her. Maybe you put your hand on top of hers. Then when the moment is right, you kinda put your arm around her. Or maybe give her a little shoulder rub. Women like that kinda thing. They like for a man to pay attention to them. And that’s what I do. I’m the Payer Attentioner.

Of course, you can’t rush ’em. But Merkels come to those who wait, you know? See, most women are afraid somebody’ll call ’em a slut or something, if they show you they’re interested. They gotta play hard to get. But see, not to brag or anything, but I have experience. I knew what would happen. She got me alone, and she was all over me.

Patented Seduction Technique:
Never take ‘Nein’ for an answer

I’d never been with a German woman before. They’re hot, boy. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s from being around all that sausage all the time. But they talk kinda funny. Like Angela. Her name isn’t Angela, it’s ANGLE-uh. Well, sometimes you gotta humor a woman, you know.

Sure, nobody expected this thing to happen between us. And that’s why nobody suspects it. You can’t suspect what you don’t expect. Lucky thing, too. You ever see Laura mad? And people say I’m the mean drunk! And Condi would take it pretty hard, if she found out she’s not my only “special workout buddy.” It’s hard, trying to keep so many women happy. But it comes with the job. It’s what you call Executive Privilege. If you know what I mean. Heh-heh-heh.

Sure, the world is going to heck in a handbasket. And I understand how people could get discouraged about the war and the — other stuff — but it doesn’t bother me. So — you know, Psych 101 ain’t working. I feel good. I feel — I’m relevant — to a lot of hot babes. You want to know how I can sleep so soundly at night? Heck, you’d be worn out, too!

Most of my friends are okay with it, too.