Christian believers were gathered in the air and taken to meet Jesus Christ, in keeping with ancient prophecy and a nearly indecipherable Biblical code, yesterday, May 12, 2011, an embarrassed religious broadcaster, Harold Campitup, told reporters this morning. “I know I said the end was nigh, but I got the digits backwards,” said Campitup, who earlier launched a multi-media campaign warning that the world would come to an end beginning May 21, 2011.
Quick to acknowledge his error, the Florida-based broadcaster dispatched a fleet of vans, each equipped with signs and loudspeakers, into New York City streets this morning. For the next two weeks, these trucks, as well as radio stations affiliated with the Farcical Radio Network and a number of Internet sites, will repeat the following prerecorded announcement:
“People of New York! The world will not come to an end on May 21. Please disregard all previous warnings. I repeat: disregard all previous warnings. Adjust your calendars and prepare to meet your Maker. Thank you for your attention.”
Campitup believes that the exact date of the Rapture, a mystical event that will precede by a few months the end of all life on earth, can be divined through close reading of the Bible, which was not written in English and which predates the Gregorian Calendar by several centuries. According to Campitup’s calculations, the world previously came to an end in 1957, 1964, 1978, 1994, and once when he was five years old and did not receive a pony on his birthday.
“So I made a little mistake,” Campitup told a reporter. “You think this is easy? I’d like to see you do better, weisenheimer!”
Quick to acknowledge his error, the Florida-based broadcaster dispatched a fleet of vans, each equipped with signs and loudspeakers, into New York City streets this morning. For the next two weeks, these trucks, as well as radio stations affiliated with the Farcical Radio Network and a number of Internet sites, will repeat the following prerecorded announcement:
“People of New York! The world will not come to an end on May 21. Please disregard all previous warnings. I repeat: disregard all previous warnings. Adjust your calendars and prepare to meet your Maker. Thank you for your attention.”
Campitup believes that the exact date of the Rapture, a mystical event that will precede by a few months the end of all life on earth, can be divined through close reading of the Bible, which was not written in English and which predates the Gregorian Calendar by several centuries. According to Campitup’s calculations, the world previously came to an end in 1957, 1964, 1978, 1994, and once when he was five years old and did not receive a pony on his birthday.“So I made a little mistake,” Campitup told a reporter. “You think this is easy? I’d like to see you do better, weisenheimer!”
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