07 December 2011

Be a Master Debater! Tips from Republican Candidates

So You Think You Can Run?

Let’s face it, public speaking is hard. But how else are you going to run a campaign for the Republican nomination for the White House — thus clearing the way for your phenomenally lucrative career as a Fox News “analyst,” which is the only reason most people enter this freakish reality TV show in the first place?

Many public speakers employ coaches, and it’s worth noting that many of those coaches offer the same advice, which I’m pleased to publish here. (For free, because I’m that kind of guy.)

Whenever addressing a crowd, the experts say, it’s wise to picture the audience in their underwear. That way, it’s they, not you, who seem vulnerable.

Indeed, a quick survey of leading Republican candidates shows that this strategy is popular and effective — with a few modifications, of course.

Mitt Romney pictures the audience wearing Magic Underwear.

Herman Cain remembers the audience wearing their underwear.

Michele Bachmann pictures her husband wearing her underwear.

Rick Perry pictures the audience doing three things: 1) wearing underwear; 2) concealing a handgun; and 3) something else … you know what it is … can’t remember … oops.

Ron Paul forgot the question in the time it took everybody else to answer before him.

Rick Santorum pictures the audience fully dressed, paying attention to whatever he says.

Newt Gingrich finds the entire question to be fundamentally flawed.

John Huntsman pictures the audience voting for Obama again. Hey, at least he’s sure to have a job in 2013.

1 comment:

catherine s. said...

This is wonderful, but I can't seem to spot your "modifications."