Newspaper & Magazine Publishers Announce Technological Developments

Seeking to remain competitive and commercially viable in a changing world, the American Newspaper and Magazine Publishers Association today announced a new technology that, in the words of Association president Charles Fosterkain, “will enhance the experience of reading a newspaper or magazine, making it more like the experience of reading online.”

The new technology consists of hiring thousands of children. Whenever a reader attempts to turn the page of a newspaper or magazine, a child will “pop up,” grab the publication, and run around the room while screaming, “Buy me something! Buy me something! Buy me something!”

Before a reader can actually see the article she wanted — and paid for — she will have to wait patiently for the child to give back the newspaper or magazine.

“Personally, I don’t see the appeal,” Fosterkain told reporters. “But so many people are reading online now, you gotta figure they like it this way.”

For readers on the go, a mobile application can be used.
This model is being tested in a supermarket.

The new technology is still being tested but may be ready for general use as soon as April, Fosterkain said.

Written after spending too much time reading The New York Times and New York Magazine online.