09 September 2011

President’s Economic Proposal Wins Early Approval

Obama: “You should pass this ‘jobs’ bill right away.”

WASHINGTON -- Before a joint session of Congress, President Barack Obama last night made an unusually passionate plea for his new plan to give America’s ailing economy “a jolt.” Leaders in both major parties immediately hailed his proposal as “an important step in the right direction, and one we will give our full consideration,” according to Speaker of the House John Boehner.

“We’ve made it hard for Americans for so long,” Obama told Congress. “In this case, I think we can all agree that bigger government may be an asset, after all.”

According to the President’s proposal, entitled “Pimping for America,” members of both houses of Congress will form a state-owned escort agency, prostituting themselves “at reasonable rates for these economically challenged times,” with all proceeds going “directly into the pockets of the American people,” Obama said. “In this way, we can really stimulate growth.”

Americans, the President said, “are tired of the in-and-out of Washington political games. It’s time for change, change we can all get behind.

“Make no mistake,” Obama told the joint session, “from this point forward, when we screw the country, the country will get something in return.”

Stimulus: With the 2012 campaign already underway,
both parties seek to avoid election dysfunction.

Economic analysts agreed that “Members Only,” the newly formed Congressional prostitution ring, could result in a slight rise in household income almost immediately. But they warned that the potential revenues will be significantly lower than White House estimates.

“It’s a bold plan, and better than expected,” Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman wrote in The New York Times, where he regularly urges the President to take an active role in the stimulus.

“But even in Washington, johns have discriminating tastes,” Krugman added. “Apart from [Maine Republican Senator] Olympia Snowe, I don’t think many of the members are going to find many takers. Man, is she a SILF!”

White House sources told reporters that President Obama devised his “Pimping for America” proposal when Louisiana Senator David Vitter publicly balked at attending the joint session because it might conflict with last night’s NFL season opener. A conservative Republican who espouses “family values,” Vitter was involved in a prostitution scandal in 2007 but reelected to office in 2010.

“If we’re going to do this kind of thing anyway,” President Obama told Congress, “let’s do it the right way — and right away. The meter is running.”

Boehner: May starve to death,
but at least he won’t have to change his name.

1 comment:

Suep said...